My mind and body are tired tonight, but I am drawn to write...I'm compelled to write about my God. In the middle of intense and hopeless circumstances and feelings, He is at work, always at work. This will be a bit rambly...
Last week, I cried for wisdom, for knowledge and creativity - my heart and mind were stumped, completely unsure of how to handle some tough circumstances. There came no writing on the wall, no thunderbolts, no voice. But answers did come...digging in His Word, calling on His Name, talking with His people...the needed answers, knowledge, wisdom came from the Throne.
He promises to send the wisdom, if we ask. It didn't come all at one time, in one day or one hour, but Wisdom came. His Spirit spoke it, guided my feet, hands, and mouth in it. Praise be to God that He listens, answers, condescends to help and guide us.
And then there's days like yesterday, early in the morning before all were awake - "Jesus, show me how to do this day, what to do when and how to do it. Put faithful instruction on my tongue. Let me believe no lies, but only Your truth. Help me to walk in the Spirit, seeking first Your Kingdom and righteousness...."
Seriously, many days I have no idea how the needed tasks will get done...it's a crazy combination of the normal unknowns each day holds and the unpredictability inherent in 5-6 unique personalities (depending on whether dad's working from home that day) acting and reacting with each other all day long!
This unknown feeling tends to unnerve me - I like a list. I like to check things off the list. Even better: putting the list in a certain order and checking things off in that order (hahaha - insert nervous, sarcastic laugh here, because those days are long gone!). Planning things by the hour just doesn't work at this stage of life, but it's opened for me a new and better way - asking God to show me what to do and then watching Him handle things, turning to Him in prayer and praise (oh, more and more praise to Him!).
It's not about me saying "okay, God, here's my list for the day, make it happen!" It's about me learning and relearning to say, "Lord, here's what I think needs to be accomplished today, and also a few things I'd like to get done. Direct me to what is important. Give me the grace to drop that which is not. Let me accomplish Your will and plans for this day."
My frequent surprise at the generous and kind way that the Lord works my days shows my small faith.
But I am so very thankful for His mercy, for His guidance and His help and presence. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21) And then, from Jesus Himself: And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:20).
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Photos: from a recent visit to my parents' home
Top - CA trying to figure out an ice cream sandwich. She ended up picking all the M&M's off and being pretty satisfied with just that.
Middle - LC lost in her push up pop
Bottom - dear cousin MB and my mom...ice cream treats for all! (I had a Twix ice cream bar, for the record)
After a very disheartening day yesterday... nausea, bad mommy moments, unkindness on my tongue... this was just what I needed to read this morning... reminders that His mercy falls afresh each day and that He does give us wisdom when we ask.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry it was a hard day. I am happy God used this to encourage you - that makes my heart sing.
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