Friday, May 15, 2009

He Didn't Repeat Himself

Several weeks ago, I had a tough time enjoying a lavish gift. Why is that? Why would I complicate something so precious and clearly God-given (through my husband)? Why would I still the happy pounding that my heart wanted to do? Some kind of false guilt? Some need to feel bad about being given something wonderful? Where does this come from?

I cannot help but think of God's lavish gift to me - the privilege of being right with Him through Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection. Do I resist His blessing(s) in similar ways? Yes. No doubt. This is not good.

Days later, as BB and I resolved a conflict between us, it became clear that there was a certain fear lodged in my heart. Once out in the open, he assured me in no uncertain terms that the fear was baseless. Then he repeated himself in exactly the same words only a moment or two later in the conversation. It was unnerving, in a good way. Why did he have to repeat himself? Because I didn't believe him the first time, I hate to say.

Then, God called me to come spend some time with Him alone. It wasn't at all my "usual" time of day, and I wasn't even at home. I ended up at a duck park, in my Suburban, under the clouds. I read the Word, I prayed, I read some more, and repented of some things, then tried to listen. Tried to stay quiet (it is hard). Then this is what I heard: "I love you." I really had to sit and soak that in, and I waited for more, but there was no more. He did not repeat Himself, and I sat as long as I could, to just enjoy that sweet message from Jesus.

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