Thursday, September 23, 2010

Fears and Such

(*I'll be happy to post the chocolate pudding recipe as soon as I'm able!)

Where to begin?

What a strange week! My knee surgery on Monday went beautifully from what we can tell. I had so many strange fears and anxieties before the operation. Want to hear some of them?

Let's see....

What if I die because of the anesthesia? What if I get a blood clot and have a stroke or something? What if I'm one of those weird rare cases where a person receives anesthesia and seems to be unconscious, but who lies there, silently, feeling every bit of the surgery?

So these are a bit irrational. You know what, though? I've noticed that since the baby's birth, I've been rather plagued by these kinds of fears and thoughts. Sometimes I've recognized them for what they are (fear, not of God, irrational, etc) and other times, I've entertained them far too long, allowing them to steal my peace and cause me to miss all that is good and right.

I love my husband's practical way of thinking and helping. I was voicing some of my since-baby-came fears and he said, "You just gotta ask God to make those thoughts go away. You really need to take them captive" (We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5).

He is so right, of course. And I've been trying to do just that. Rather than follow my tendency, which is to try really hard to reason my way out of wrong thinking, or to try to correct my wrong thoughts myself, I'm turning to Him, again and again. And the more I do, the more I can see how off the wall some of these thoughts have been, and I can also see that it's been the enemy at work. Satan exists to steal, kill, and destroy. He's been working to steal my peace, to coax my eyes off Christ and the sovereign, perfect, loving will of God in all things.

But as I read in 2 Corinthians 1 today (and yesterday, because I needed to hear it more than once!): Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ, v 21. God is able to make me stand firm in Christ! Good thing, since I'm not able to make myself stand firm!

Then there is the waiting part...But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31). Oftentimes, especially when I am feeling fearful, even, shall I admit it, panicky about something, I do call on the Name of the Lord, and I do believe He hears me and will act on my behalf. But sometimes I forget that there may be some waiting involved. Having to wait for deliverance doesn't mean my faith is weak, but that God has His perfect time. Just because the answer to my prayer for help isn't immediate doesn't mean it isn't coming or that He didn't hear. I've had to remind myself a few times this week: He will answer and He is listening. Be still and wait. Endure for a bit. It'll be fine.

I've got some fun photos to post, but they'll have to wait, as I'm writing from another computer tonight, since BB's doing some needed maintenance on our laptop.

Also, I have a great list of mercies to share, but it's late and the day's been long...good, but long.

Have a blessed Friday!


  1. "He's been working to steal my peace..." that is what the Satan does, isn't it?! In Christ we have Truth and peace, Satan uses untruths to steal, kill, and destroy.

    This is such a practical application of God's word and His affect on our lives because we're all irrational, we all have fears, we all fall prey to the evil one.

    Stand firm.

  2. I've had those same kinds of thoughts before surgery as well...we just have to turn the outcome over to God, as you know.

    Your hormones are probably still working over time too. Hormones have important jobs to do, but they can make us seem like crazy people at the same time. What's a girl to do?

  3. First, I wanted to say thanks to you guys for the comments...I really enjoy the interaction!

    And, yes, Steph, I've thought about the hormone element for sure. I am sure they are playing a pretty big role in all this! What's a girl to do...wait and pray, I suppose! :-)