I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...Joel 2:25
We wait...these have been sitting in our bedroom since our trip Back Home for Christmas. We thought we'd be packing again within a week or two. The scriptures are ones that have often come to heart and mind for AH and my parents and our family over the past 20 months.
My heart has been more spring-starved than I'd realized. Winter has always been a little hard for me emotionally, though less so in recent years as the duties of motherhood have increased to the point that I just don't notice winter as much. But yesterdaymorning, when we heard music coming from our chimney-top, I felt it - the rush of relief that comes with spring's advent. Last spring, I was in the final third of CJ's pregnancy when we noticed the thrilling birdsong outside: a mockingbird had decided to nest in our lone front-yard tree, a young live oak. There are very few songbirds around us here, so his song stands out, a dramatic contrast to the gray silence of wintertime. We named the bird Mercy. He (or she) is back again and Saturday early, EG and I sat in front of fireplace soaking in the delicious wonder of Mercy's rotating repertoire of songs and it just fills my heart, that dry place made by a long winter that I didn't even sense passing by me. This winter was hard and dry, filled with the waiting and the wondering for AH, along with. And this spring, can you hear me sigh it out, this spring looks to be ever so full and bright and swollen with hope....it is coming...change, healing, all things new again...
EG wanted a tea party lunch on Friday. All I did was cut the apples and make the tea. We used green tea.
Thinking back on this winter...it was over Christmas that we sat at a long table in our attorney's office Back Home, signing the papers that would make AH ours. We were praising our good God then for such a wonderful step taken and at the same time, we were all continuing to plead with Him to allow the other pieces of the adoption puzzle to come together - namely that both birth parents needed follow through with all the signing necessary. It was an intense Christmas trip home.
Yep, that's a hot dog. A weenie. Pretty cute, though, isn't it? We saw it in a magazine and EG tried it for the tea party. Classy. We are a classy tea-party bunch here! Oh, and my first dog was named Weenie. Just thought you'd like to know.
And then I think about Sundays and how for so long I've stood in church feeling like one of us was missing, wishing she could be there with the other girls, pushing each other around to be the one(s) sitting or standing right next to mommy or daddy. For many, many months now, I've had to fight for focus in church, because for some reason, that would be the time I'd begin to think about her more, about life with her here, about things I'd like to do to celebrate her coming...lots of times it was just tears and crying out to God, not knowing what His will would be in it all. Some weeks it was happy worship, following good news. Other Sundays, I worshiped with a heavy heart, and often my time in church was about getting my heart back into trusting submission to His plans.
CA dresses creatively almost all the time. Lately, it's been layers: 4 shirts, 3 dresses, etc. She looks pretty puffy with all those layers. Last night it was a pink tulle getup with gold sequins, white socks, black Mary Janes and a new headband. She is hilarious!
Please forgive the rambly-ness of my recent posts. I wish I could be like Luke, when he said at the beginning of the Book of Luke: I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent [friends] (Luke 1:3). But I don't think I can at this point. I am still processing it all myself and so it's pouring out as is, and in the available moments.
I'm still poring over the journal I was keeping when we rushed Back Home in June 2009. We'd learned that AH was coming to live at mom and dad's and felt compelled to be there for that. It was all a great and wonderful miracle, a working of the mighty arm of God. And it was a crisis. With a lot of scary uncertainty and confusion. We stayed something like 16 days (praise God for a like-minded husband who can work from almost anywhere most of the time!). The Father allowed so.many.details. to be exactly in place so we could be there, loving, helping, supporting, praying, crying, rejoicing. Found this today in my old-journal reading:
July 1, 2009 I do love her very much and would love to see that little person gathered around our table!! It is possible with God, and I rest in His sovereignty.
Just super cute! Almost 7 months. And the outfit: that's a lazy mama, not bothering to take the pants off and button the onesie underneath before naptime...
*Mercies, finally! And in no particular order...
695 to be able-bodied right now at a time when so much physical work needs doing: I'm not great with child (well, not physically anyway!); I no longer have a bad knee that limits my movements; and I'm having much relief from the terribly exhausting cedar allergies!
696 getting a few cheerful Valentine's decorations up (and back down, by now!)
697 that cheery, soothing candle, burning in the center of my kitchen window on dark nights and gray days, reminding me of my Iowa friend, and putting off such a pleasant, subtle scent
698 repurposing so many things: storage containers, vases, a baby quilt, a mirror
699 those dark, dramatic clouds the other morning, with rays of sun on them
700 ca: dis is gonna be awwwsome! while hauling in an armload of her own clothes to stuff into MK/LC's chest of drawers. This, her own idea. She was moving herself right on in!
701 many opportunities this morning to train the children, help them search their hearts, point them to biblical living and motives
702 the softness of dryer lint
703 Mrs. M's cleaning strategy: set your timer for X number of minutes and devote only that much to whatever task is most pressing. This has SAVED THE DAY lately for me. I can't usually devote large chunks of time to jobs around here, but wow, have I/we knocked things out in 20 minutes here and 30 minutes there!
704 not getting what we wanted - going to get AH this weekend (but AH, we miss you so much!)
705 a hurt back - I don't know God's exact reasonings for BB's back problems right now, but I can see one benefit: he has gotten slightly more rest lately, which he really needed!
706 the new toilet upstairs (and the cause of the hurt back)
707 the mockingbird's song all day today!
708 getting EG/AH's room almost 100% cleaned and finished
709 having six kids - who would've thought?! I always wanted a lot, but I'm still happy-reeling that God would bless us like this!
710 the two times one week when BB showed up in the schoolroom with lunch for the kids and me - such a thoughtful, servant-hearted, and time-saving gesture
711 that he got to work from home unexpectedly (because of ice on the road) on one of his in-office days
712 the help and the heart of my sweet friend, and the things we learn from each other in all this
713 his bringing me Freebirds nachos for my lunch one afternoon
714 making whoopie pies way, way early in the morning, all alone
715 Handel's Messiah while making whoopie pies
716 the Halleluia Chorus. Tears. Worship. Praise. Played it over and over.
717 CA: mommies doesn't have names! kids do!
718 suffering and all the lessons it brings from Him about His sovereignty and love
719 sanctifying chaos
720 mountains I can't move (work around the house was the mountain I was thinking of)
721 mountains He has moved! (too many to list here, but definitely including major headway in house-work)
722 the snow we had
723 that the lettuce plants survived a hard, sustained freeze
724 quiet time with Jesus, the family all asleep, the hushed snowed world outside
725 rabbit tracks in snow
726 His Presence
727 His encouragement
728 the calling - evangelist-mom
729 time to take snowy early-morning photos
730 new bunk beds, good price, and a gift from BB's dad to help purchase them!
731 our local (ginormous) grocery store not crowded like I expected it to be during an early Saturday morning shopping trip
732 putting away CA's old too-small clothes and being so thankful that God sent us CJ, who will wear them in a few years
733 Indian food
734 his bringing me hot chocolate one night
735 Baby's soft little palms
736 EG, aching for her new roommate to arrive...and the fact that all the girls cannot wait to have their sister come home
737 the heart lessons Christ is teaching us and the kids as we wait...and wait...
He moves mountains. He restores lost seasons. And through it all He pours out blessings upon blessings.
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