Mostly Good Chaos

Among so many other things, God is a God of Delights. This morning I went for a little jog, and had the delicious pleasure of breathing deep breaths of honeysuckle scent, sweet and heavy in the new-day air. I thank Him for this delight. He is good. He's such a Creative Genius, right? He's made all this wonder and beauty and He sustains it (and me) with His power.

What has He provided for your delight lately?

Things are pretty chaotic right now. It's mostly a positive chaos. Home buying and moving. End of school. Tech week for AH and MK, whose drama club production opens tomorrow night for five shows. It's a double feature: Into the Woods and Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass. Both are being presented in a steampunk style. Very interesting and fun. I was asked last minute to prepare bio boards for the show, which I was excited to do, since it's a fun and creative way to contribute, and I've not been able to do much beyond get the girls to practice and back so far. Anyway, I've been working on that...

And there was my birthday this week - BB cooked a great supper for me and made amazing fried pies for a treat. The girls all gave me special greetings and little gifts and cards. Hello, year 39!

EG made me this fabulous sign, which we tucked away to use again on another birthday sometime...

Like I said, things have been a tad chaotic and little people may or may not be fending for themselves here and and there:

BH loves to "cook." He pulls out all the pots and lids and sometimes I give him dried beans or something to pretend with. He helped himself to powdered sugar and toothpicks this go around. Maybe dessert for a beaver? But I'm sure BH didn't actually eat any of the sugar himself...

My birthday (May 4) is also AH's "birthday in our family," as it marks the day her adoption was final. Four years now! We always mark the day with reminders.

This week, with their newfound free time, several of the kids became entrepreneurial: they opened little shops in the schoolroom, selling crafts, candy, flowers and who-knows-what. It was fun to see them working together - and competing! - and just having a good time being creative and relaxed. EG helped them out a lot.

CJ's shop

BH's Shop of Cars - created so he'd leave the girls' stores alone

Ah, the income! See the glow on CA's face! Ha!

And, Miss ME continues to be the belle of the household, beloved by all and changing fast - she's rolling and trying to sit up and laughing and smiling...more delight.

Happy Birthday to AH!

Happy 15th Birthday to AH! 

Eager to see all God has for her in the year to come and praising Him for his goodness, love, and healing. She is an amazing girl who's seen amazing growth.

We had little celebratory treats yesterday (on her real birthday) and friends joining her to party today!

Photos of AH below from my scrapbooks, just hours after she was born.

(I think that BB and I were just children ourselves, then...)

BB keeps reminding AH that she's halfway to 30. Oh, it goes so fast, doesn't it?

We love you so very much, AH.

We praise God for bringing you to us!

I'm so happy that it's 8 children we have, and that you are one of them.

Love and Legos

CJ and AH had some special time together the other day.

AH built this Lego house for her little sister.

You never know when a pair in our house may have an unexpected moment of bonding and sweetness, building memories and strengthening relationship.

Praising God for all His good plans, which are better than our own (this was a day when nothing went as planned, and look at what He had prepared for these two!).

I love seeing the ways that the girls are their own crazy sorority and that they really are friends.

Family Time

I always regret how few photos we get of me during pregnancy. My mom snapped this one recently while we were visiting. AH was trying out a four-wheeler on their property. Good times!

So that's my 27-week baby tummy. By now (a week later), we've reached the point at which my water broke with BH. Shiver.

And, as though my body read one of those pregnancy books, it has decided, rather like clockwork that the honeymoon phase of the middle trimester is over. Twenty-eight weeks? Must be time to become noticeably more tired, hungry, uncomfortable, and lower-energy! All in all, though, things are great and baby's looking good, and I'm glad we're welcoming one more.

Last night, we made a sweet memory: BB and EG were gone together on a special outing, leaving me single-with-six. We had a relaxed Saturday together, and at the end of the day, while I sat on the couch with my feet up (oh, those pesky veins in my legs!), most of the six gathered around and suddenly we were having a belly-watching session.

I will confess that there's a part of me that feels kind of shy about uncovering my tummy - it's a vulnerable thing to do, for me. But anyway, it was worth it.

There were ooohs, and aaaahs, and ewwwws as they watched the baby's erratic movements - little punches, startles, and slower rolling motions. Sometimes we just watched my belly and other times the kids took turns putting a hand on the areas where baby girl tends to show up.

It was a beautiful thing.

I'm thanking God for this. It was wonderful for all it was in the moment and for the grandness that is bringing a new life into our family. but it was bigger than that, too.

Things like bondedness and connection have been a bit rough and tricky at different points over the years. What a joy and blessing from God, to have shared the sweet time of family bonding as we focused on our upcoming arrival. It was an open, vulnerable place for all of us and it makes me smile to see the kids' pride and delight in their new sibling.

Hope and Promise

Can you see that fiery spot in the very middle of the photo?

That is a rainbow. Really it is - a piece of one at least.

That is a whisper of hope from Jesus to me.

In the crazy times of late, I've struggled to not be overcome by sadness and weariness. Then one night I dreamed about rainbows. First I saw one, then realized it was a double rainbow, but as I looked closer, I realized it was in fact five rainbows. I woke up thinking, That was from the Lord. Hope, promise.

Later that day, after much rain, what did I see on on the way home from school dropoff? A big, fat, beautiful rainbow, ending very near our house. Hmm. Hope! Promise!

And yet, my heart and my faith have felt so thin...

Then, this email from a dear friend, who has, in the past year, experienced her own unexpected, unplanned events. She had no idea I was so down when she wrote this, because the last I'd mentioned to her was that we were seeing some neat movement in our relationship with AH (and we were - and that's still real, and super-important)...

Here's what my friend said:

....the tunnel never really ends in this life does it? but the sweet thing is that Jesus is that light at the end, going before you and beside you this entire journey. God has really been showing us this lately. Instead of living for the end of "this or that" hard season, what about realizing that THIS season is what he has called us to. THIS season is a gift and what if THIS season is all we ever get. Did we live it for His glory, or did we just try to "make" it. I am so prone, on a daily (hourly) basis, to just survive...I hope that one day, this lesson of the journey being the destination (while on earth), will sink in...

And THANK GOD for his grace while I fumble around and mess up constantly! I pray that my kids will be fierce God-lovers, faithful, bold and loving IN SPITE of me, not because of anything I do... and I mean that in the most sincere way! We're all on this journey together aren't we!? 

Oh, my, did I ever need to hear this.

It helped begin dissolving my hardening heart. God spoke firmly and gently and lovingly to me through her words. I've read and reread them many times.

When we went on that hike, AH chose to hold my hand at one point. That was a first. Ever. Huge. And a major high - a connecting point, a vulnerable place. But the highs come with corresponding lows, and also with long, dry spaces where there's little to no connecting. It's a relational desert in those times. 

That was three weeks ago.

Night before last, she told me a scary dream she'd had. Connection. Yessss! Thank You, Jesus!

Next morning, painful conflict. 

Thank You, Jesus? Yes, that's the call. To give thanks for it all. To trust that THIS season is what He has called me to, with all its ups and downs and heartache included. To stop running from pain and stop resisting the uncomfortable parts of the now-work. These are part of His work in me, in us.

Later that morning, another rainbow.

And I cried when I saw it while I was jogging. Unbelievable. It was in a weird place. No rain going on. Odd. And the whisper I needed to hear again...hope, promise.

And I turned around and saw that the sunrise was a blazing orange gash on the horizon. More tears. I had no idea of the light behind me....the light making that hope-filled rainbow happen in front of me...

Oh, yes, Jesus is behind, beside, and ahead of me!

All glory to Him, the Light, the Promise.

*

Hey, BB just texted me from across town - with a photo of a giant, complete, arching rainbow...

I hear You, Lord, I hear You...Thank You for reaching my little heart with these quiet, gentle messages.

Birthday and Everyday Stuff

Oh, wow. School is over!

And I'm 37!

Doesn't this cake look amazing? I can say that because I didn't make it. This is BB's work. He asks me each year what I want for my birthday treat, then insists on making it all himself. For whatever reason, Italian Cream Cake popped into my head.

It was indeed, quite awesome. He didn't go to the trouble of putting 37 candles on the cake like I did for him. But these were sparkly ones! He and the girls gave me a relaxing, quiet day for my birthday. Just what I needed!

My birthday coincides with another special occasion: it's the same day we stood in court with AH and brought her officially into our family. So it's been two years now since that day, though she's been living with us slightly longer. We surprised her with balloons and a special family meal out the day after my birthday.

Where's the kid?! :-)

H is pretty much skipping the crawling stage, moving straight on to pulling up and trying to climb up!

During our Adoption Celebration meal. CJ's face cracked me up!

The last day of school was this past Wednesday. What an eventful day. I dropped the five bigs off but then returned midday to watch the various recitations and presentations celebrating the kids' work and accomplishments. We did not leave the school until after 5pm! As you can see, H was pooped!

And CJ made herself at home in the mud and dirt that are a part of our school campus. She had two-plus solid hours of free play with her sisters and other school children while I waited for the older girls' art class to finish at 5pm. Meanwhile, I got the treat of a nice, long chat with a sweet friend of mine, whose kids were also enjoying the dust and dirt with the other children!

And Oh Happy Day! After multiple failed attempts and growing various things, we still stand in dumb amazement when things do catch on and thrive. This time it's a wildflower bed BB sowed with a packet of mixed Texas wildflower seed a few months ago. This was one of the first blooms. I don't even know what it is, but it's now joined by many others like it, in different colors, as well as one red poppy and some other red flowers, as well as one bluebonnet and who-knows-what-else. What a delight!

And y'all. I know you watched Dukes-a-Hazzard (as we called it when we were little) growing up. Well, even if you didn't, how funny it was to see this tricked out General Lee imitation on the way to church! I gave the guy a thumbs up when we passed him and he honked for us - too bad his car didn't play Dixie like Bo and Luke's did...

We've been quite busy making thoughtful changes in our house - a big, huge room switch up for 4 of the girls, starting summerschool here at home, and other things like potty training for Miss Dimple Wimple. Maybe it's too soon to speak on that, but here on Day 2, she's doing AMAZING, initiating all her bathroom visits and no accidents so far! Thanks be to God.

It's an exciting, exhausting time.

More to come...

Partly Processed

Well. Here we are at the very end of the school year. This is the girls' last week...

I'm feeling a little emotional about this. I mean, it's been a hard, hard year.

I was realizing earlier today that Baby H was only about 3.5 weeks old when the school year started.

 MK with her last project of the 5th grade year: an Anne of Green Gables diorama

Amazingly,  we brought Baby H home after only the usual 48-hour post-birth hospital stay. What a joyous miracle from the Lord, when he could've been born at 28 weeks! Our start as a family of nine was rocky, though. My month-long absence in the hospital seems like it was the next-to-last ingredient in an ensuing perfect storm of...upset and adjustment and imbalance.

I say perfect storm. As we slowly gain perspective on our family's journey, I understand better and better why things seemed to fall apart after baby came. Some of the majors: we went from 4 to 7 kids really fast. We did not anticipate the magnitude of adjusting to adoption, both for the family unit, and for AH personally. The way we parented and lived as our first 4 children came along just doesn't work with our family of seven blessings, but we never caught our breath long enough to engage in thoughtful living during these three intense years. So, survival mode. Reactive living.

 Look at those sweet little chicks, hens, ducklings!

We started our 2012 school year with five students and two "babies" at home. It was a whirly beginning, and truly lost in a fog now, except that I do have pictures of that first day of school, so I do have proof that it happened and that I was there.

I remember writing not long after Baby H's birth that all our adventures were going to take me a long time to process. So true. Not only am I generally a slow processor, but the intensity of daily life has left few quiet moments in which to be thoughtful about our experiences.

So we got going into a new school year, muddling through by the seats of our pants, a chaotic kind of getting by, but making it work all the same. Then October rolled around. On the last day of that month, I had outpatient surgery to correct my hearing loss in one ear (the other ear will follow eventually). The surgery was brilliantly successful, thanks be to God.

See at all the cute farm animals. And there's Matthew Cuthbert, to the left, with his pitchfork. He's a bit hard to make out. Too bad!

The family reaction to my surgery, no so brilliant. My being hospitalized at all and away for the day and all the uncertainty that held and the memories it brought back for the kids was just too much. For a couple of them, it was the catalyst for coming apart. Coming apart needed to happen, since none of us had really dealt with all the upset and insanity that was my hospitalization and the limbo that was Baby H's well-being for a time.

But nobody wants to come apart. It is messy and chaotic and it hurts and can be so confusing. As the fall wore on, anxiety, fear, imbalance, and exhaustion became the dominant words describing our home atmosphere, our hearts.

We stumbled along for a few months this way until it was beyond clear that things were not improving and that we needed HELP! Support! So prayerfully and nervously, I sought out a counselor and found one who was willing to take on the whole package.

I can hear them now, Peep! Peep!

Adjusting to a therapy schedule was tough, but the only option that was wise, because we were all at our wit's ends! The therapy routine meant rearranging our homeschooling situation some; meant me becoming less perfectionistic about it; meant the kids growing more independent. None of those are bad things, are they? Hard changes in the moment, but good in retrospect. God is quite efficient in His work, isn't He?

Our counseling experience has been amazing. Painful. Difficult. Fruitful. It helped us to begin unraveling the knots of anxiety and dig down to some of the root problems of relationships that were not thriving in our home. There were more immediate issues to face, like the concerns and upset surrounding my summer hospital stay and the fallout that occurred after the October hearing-surgery, when all those undealt-with feelings were resurrected in my little people. The Lord's tender mercy: relative to the severity of the anxiety that some of the kids were experiencing, we're amazed at how quickly the girls regained their kilter and and grew in confidence until now there is very little evidence of the fears that dominated those days.

But there have been and are longer-term, bigger realities to deconstruct and process, such as how to parent a broken-hearted child, who has now grown into a tall young-lady-teenager.

There's been a lot of painful introspection for me, and for us as a couple and as parents. It's been humbling. It's been necessary. And such a blessing. I have learned so much and become a good deal healthier emotionally.

 AH loves her some baby-time. And H doesn't seem too unhappy with the arrangement!

Even as I write, I see that I'm using a lot of words that imply thought. Isn't that cool? As we move past the various crises that have become part of our story, the Lord is pouring out grace for us to think again; to ponder; to comprehend. These things don't happen in survival mode. You only see what's on fire and you react. It's a good thing to tuck away so that I'm careful to give grace to others in crisis - you simply don't see so many things when your heart and mind are consumed with the apparent fires that surround. I remember noticing dust for the first time recently. BB had gone out of town and it was spring break. I had a lot less going on than normal. Came downstairs one morning and noticed our tv and dvd player caked in dust. Yeah. Been that way a long time. Did I ever see? Nope. Wasn't important. (Sheepish smile here: it still isn't, because I've never been one to care much about dust. But I do see it now, and take measures occasionally to address it.)

 She looks awfully healthy, yes? That's 'cause she was. We were there for me. I was sick last week and had two doctor's appointments. Glad to say all's well now. Two year olds do get restless in an exam room, though and getting on every surface allowable kept her happily occupied for a bit...actually, she's been awesome through the many office-visit-type errands we've run.

So here we are at summertime. Sixth grade (for two!), fifth grade, third grade, and kindergarten are over for my five big girls. They've been amazing. Such a full year with so many challenges. Academics have most certainly taken a back seat, out of necessity (not that I want them to be a dominant front-seat when life is normal), but the kids have done excellently. They've worked hard and have learned, learned, learned their school lessons, but ever so many more life and God and relationship lessons simultaneously. It's been a lot. I am proud of them. I am praising God for bringing us through, for carrying us.

Out of the ordinary things always happen when BB has a trip for work. Among other things, I had a slow leak in one of my tires. No, I do not normally photograph myself doing such mundane tasks, but CJ was very sad that I would not let her out of her carseat to watch me fill the tire, so I promised to take a picture. Ha.

We are excited to have summer break upon us. We're ready to exhale. Over the past few months, as head and heart have cleared a bit, I've started noticing more things that have been...less than optimal, for way too long. This is everything from our diets to our world view to that aforementioned dust. I've been (and now we are) contemplating and praying over which steps to take, what goals to desire at this juncture. I'd venture to say that we are at a turning point and a changing of seasons. It is time for a fresh start and for purposeful, Spirit-led thinking and doing.

I really don't love taking pictures of myself, but when BB's out of town, we supply him a steady stream of here's-what-we're-doing photos

I've got ambitious dreams and goals for our summer. Praying, praying, praying and working toward those. If I get up my courage, I may share some of them here soon. Much has to do with regaining lost territory in the physical home, pursuing simplicity and order.

This is not even a good photo. But what a good subject! I had to show far-away daddy his dapper young son!

And in the words of the immortal Forrest Gump:

That's all I have to say about that.

Well, not really. It is for today. I'll be back. And probably with lots of words, again. Thanks for coming by!

A piece of good advice that sits in my kitchen window as a good reminder to all of us:

A Special Anniversary

Give thanks to the LORD, call on His Name; 

make known among the nations what He has done.

Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles,

and the judgments He has pronounced. 

Psalm 105:1,5

Today we celebrate one year since a judge made God's miracle official: AH's adoption was finalized this day 12 months ago.

None of the children remembered that this is the anniversary, so I was able to prepare a few surprises without arousing their suspicion too much.

I made a much-admired S'mores Cake from a children's treats cookbook. Easy!

A couple of balloons on the table this morning, along with - gasp - tiny powdered white doughnuts. I don't think I've ever bought them since I had children. Ha!

I printed a Bible verse out for each of us to read at breakfast this morning, intended to turn our hearts to the Lord in thanksgiving and praise for His wonderful work in bringing AH to us.

I've also declared it Eat Dessert First Day, which is extry (as Andy Griffith would say) special since we don't eat dessert at all normally. We have a little something treaty coming up before lunch and supper. Add to this that the kids have no real schoolwork to do - oh, happy day for all!

...And some simple sunflowers on the table add a celebratory air to this day, as I thank God

for all He has done

all He is doing

and all He is going to do.

Turning 12 in a New Family

A few weeks ago, we celebrated AH's 12th birthday. Birthdays are always special, but this one was even more notable because it was the first one she has celebrated here with us, as part of our family.

Last year as her birthday rolled around, she was still Back Home, living with my parents, and we were here in Texas. All who love her were anxiously waiting to know if the adoption was for real, 100% going to work out. Just before her actual birthday, we got the happy news from the court: finalization! So, while we didn't make it there in time for her 11th, it was only weeks later that we made the trip bring home our new daughter and sister. Praise be to the Mover of Mountains!

And here you go: a little retelling of AH's golden birthday celebration (February 12 birthday!)...

Per her request, I altered a favorite cookies-and-cream cake recipe to her tastes: fluffy white icing (oooh, I was happy with how it turned out - glossy and gorgeous!), Oreos, NO SPRINKLES, and bright, happy candles to match her love for colors that pop.

I made chocolate cupcakes, split them, blobbed on some fluffy white, sprinkled Oreo crumbs - well, my helpers did - MK and LC were crushing and sprinkling while the birthday girl tried not to look at her treats coming together. Next, we put the tops on the cupcakes, spooned on lots more icing, spiked the icing just for fun, then topped it off with more crumbs and a baby Oreo.

Back in time just a bit: we surprised AH and her sisters with a trip the The Faraway Mall with the Lego Store. Before Lego shopping, it was pizza for all. Yumm!

Everyone had fun in the Lego store, where we let AH choose her birthday present. She had a lot of fun building three custom minifigures.

After that, it was really hard for her to choose another little something for herself, but eventually she settled on a book all about Star Wars Legos. Don't you love the yellow glow of the Lego store?

She chose to open most of her presents late in the day, after we had supper. This was the scene after she unwrapped her gift from CA. So cute, the mock surprise to bless little sister....

And did you know that Juicy Fruit isn't that grayish color that gum used to be back in the day? It's yellow now. Guess it's been decades since I had Juicy Fruit. AH thoroughly enjoyed having her own pack.

EG saved her money and was very diligent about getting AH something she knew she really wanted: a jump rope. And just to give you a laugh, or a smile at least, photos of all of us giving the new toy a whirl, literally (not sure why we didn't get one of EG!):

We decided to do her big day with just the 8 of us. It all started with her awakening to 12 bright balloons in her room - a birthday tradition around here!

She chose the breakfast menu: sausage, biscuits and gravy, plus scrambled eggs. My goodness, we were all full. It had been a long time since we had a nice, slow, homemade family breakfast together on a Saturday. Nice!

The rest of the day was a series of surprises. After we returned home from the mall/pizza/Lego outing, I started her treats and the whole family started a movie: The Princess Bride, which everyone enjoyed.

We had a late supper of hot dogs, hamburgers, and Cheetos - another family tradition. I only buy Cheetos on birthdays and camping trips, haha!

After presents and birthday cake, we all crashed. It was a long, good, memories-made birthday celebration!

We prayed about how to delight her heart on her special day, and I believe God answered that prayer.