Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Hope and Promise

Can you see that fiery spot in the very middle of the photo?

That is a rainbow. Really it is - a piece of one at least.

That is a whisper of hope from Jesus to me.

In the crazy times of late, I've struggled to not be overcome by sadness and weariness. Then one night I dreamed about rainbows. First I saw one, then realized it was a double rainbow, but as I looked closer, I realized it was in fact five rainbows. I woke up thinking, That was from the Lord. Hope, promise.

Later that day, after much rain, what did I see on on the way home from school dropoff? A big, fat, beautiful rainbow, ending very near our house. Hmm. Hope! Promise!

And yet, my heart and my faith have felt so thin...

Then, this email from a dear friend, who has, in the past year, experienced her own unexpected, unplanned events. She had no idea I was so down when she wrote this, because the last I'd mentioned to her was that we were seeing some neat movement in our relationship with AH (and we were - and that's still real, and super-important)...

Here's what my friend said:

....the tunnel never really ends in this life does it? but the sweet thing is that Jesus is that light at the end, going before you and beside you this entire journey. God has really been showing us this lately. Instead of living for the end of "this or that" hard season, what about realizing that THIS season is what he has called us to. THIS season is a gift and what if THIS season is all we ever get. Did we live it for His glory, or did we just try to "make" it. I am so prone, on a daily (hourly) basis, to just survive...I hope that one day, this lesson of the journey being the destination (while on earth), will sink in...

And THANK GOD for his grace while I fumble around and mess up constantly! I pray that my kids will be fierce God-lovers, faithful, bold and loving IN SPITE of me, not because of anything I do... and I mean that in the most sincere way! We're all on this journey together aren't we!? 

Oh, my, did I ever need to hear this.

It helped begin dissolving my hardening heart. God spoke firmly and gently and lovingly to me through her words. I've read and reread them many times.

When we went on that hike, AH chose to hold my hand at one point. That was a first. Ever. Huge. And a major high - a connecting point, a vulnerable place. But the highs come with corresponding lows, and also with long, dry spaces where there's little to no connecting. It's a relational desert in those times. 

That was three weeks ago.

Night before last, she told me a scary dream she'd had. Connection. Yessss! Thank You, Jesus!

Next morning, painful conflict. 

Thank You, Jesus? Yes, that's the call. To give thanks for it all. To trust that THIS season is what He has called me to, with all its ups and downs and heartache included. To stop running from pain and stop resisting the uncomfortable parts of the now-work. These are part of His work in me, in us.

Later that morning, another rainbow.

And I cried when I saw it while I was jogging. Unbelievable. It was in a weird place. No rain going on. Odd. And the whisper I needed to hear again...hope, promise.

And I turned around and saw that the sunrise was a blazing orange gash on the horizon. More tears. I had no idea of the light behind me....the light making that hope-filled rainbow happen in front of me...

Oh, yes, Jesus is behind, beside, and ahead of me!

All glory to Him, the Light, the Promise.

Hey, BB just texted me from across town - with a photo of a giant, complete, arching rainbow...

I hear You, Lord, I hear You...Thank You for reaching my little heart with these quiet, gentle messages.

1 comment:

  1. Beth, this is so beautiful. I don't think these are small signs from God - rainbows all the time?! That's so precious.

    Thank you for printing your friend's words. I needed to hear them. My best friend and I keep discussing why we feel like we go from crisis to crisis. . . so I will give thanks. A quote from The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood that I have never forgotten: "I will give thanks for gifts, strangely and painfully wrapped."