My Boy (and an important link at the very end)

 Sometimes, during the witching hour especially, BH likes to stand at the sink and play with water. I turn on the faucet to a very slow flow and he fills cups and makes a mess and is very happy for a long time.

Those eyes.

This is the tiny, handmade rolltop desk that was my dad's in his childhood. I was happy to inherit it from my Grandmom, and it's been sweet to watch the children use and enjoy the kid-sized spot.

Helping dad.

BB constructed these wonderful bike racks. I mean, we have like a dozen bikes. It gets a bit messy. But not anymore!

Young master BH is quite the charmer, with the curls and the dimples and all that. At home and away, he turns heads and gets attention. Very adorable.

But then there's the other side of sweet, cute BH. The sort of Mr. Hyde side.

You know, the tantrums, the stonewalling, the NO! Over the past few months, he'd become quite an unpleasant handful, and honestly, I was completely stumped as to the best way to respond to him.

Each child truly is unique, so in spite of parenting six other children, I felt really overwhelmed as I experienced and observed BH's behavior, attitude, and character issues. That's a calm way of saying He was driving me crazy and I was at my wits' end! Very frustrated with him and struggling with my own anger as I dealt with him!

Adding to the behavioral problems is the fact that our boy has a significant speech delay complicating the picture. He receives language and instructions just fine. He understands. It's just that BH doesn't talk.

I prayed for wisdom. I asked God to help me know how to see these things, and then show me what response was best. On top of all that, I prayed for perseverance, to push through doing the right thing, even if the unsavory behavior continued.

God is faithful. He gave me the wisdom I needed.

Offering BH choices in the moments of potential showdown or conflict is proving to be a beautiful approach. And although he's not saying to me, Mom, I prefer choice number one, he is responding.

For example:

BH sits in his high chair refusing to eat any food for breakfast.

Mom: BH, you have two choices. One - you may finish your banana, OR, Two - you may stay in your chair.

BH: No!

This sounds like ugly contrariness, but I realized after a few attempts at this approach that he was saying NO! to the option of sitting in his chair any longer! He was making a choice.

And, wonder of wonders, he chooses to eat the banana/food almost every time. Sometimes there's a bit of a fit or struggle (on his side of things, not mine), but I've just continued repeating his "options," and eventually he has calmly (and proudly, it seems) decided to eat the food placed before him.

The food fight has been only one of several battle-fronts, as you can imagine.

I am praising God for always answering my requests for wisdom. I am glad my dad reminded me of this particular technique, which he picked up recently from this book. He's found it helpful as he's spent time caring for my 3-year-old nephew. (I've read the Teen version of the book, but not the early childhood one...found it to be very, very useful!)

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Grieving and praying over the horror that is ISIS. Please take the time to read this post by Ann Voskamp, who weaves several deep, serious, and beautiful truths together into a real challenge to Christ-followers.

Resources, and, Saved from the Pink

I've been wanting to share a few great resources here!

I found this item while browsing a gift shop a few months ago. BB and I have been wanting to move our family into scripture memory efforts. When I saw these, I saw a very simple, lovely way to get the ball rolling, for my part.

There are 26 (5x7) cards in the box, and the stand is included. I keep it in my kitchen window where I wash dishes, and we take it to the breakfast table each morning and take turns trying to say the verse. It's a non-overwhelming way to get us on a scripture-memory track, and it is something we can all handle (all of us who are verbal, that is...BH just makes a LOT of noise whilst we try to say verses).

 Here's another winner that I discovered recently:

LC has been cooking up quite the gourmet nature-feasts outside since we found this book. It's sweet and has such charming illustrations. She has made flower-petal tea and "chip dip," which is made from pine tree bark (chips) and mud (dip).

I love to see the kids creating, in whatever way it is that comes natural to them. LC loves being outside and can get lost for hours working on creations from this book.

Lastly, a parenting book to consider:

The cover is a bit cheesy. The content is excellent. I'd say it's rather counter-cultural in the very best ways. There are several things I love about this book:

1- The author pulls no punches. It's frank and unapologetic and there's no mamby pamby parenting or thinking to be found here.

2- The book pulls in some of what I consider the strongest points of Love and Logic thinking, combined with good, simple, common-sense explanations of human behavior, emotions, and relational realities (read: some excellent, useful psychology).

3- It's short. Each chapter is, at most, 3 pages long. I still took a while to read it, because I wanted to digest each "parenting way," but you could read it in 45 minutes, if uninterrupted.

4- The ideas presented give excellent food for thought, at the very least. At the very most, it could seriously challenge your approach to many aspects of parenting, even ones that are accepted and encouraged in Christian culture that maybe just aren't that healthy or realistic or biblical.

An example of the above accepted practices would be Galindo's chapter entitled "Get Involved in Fights Between Siblings." But I won't be a plot-spoiler. You can see what you think, if you like!
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And in a very random aside, scroll up and take note of the pink background behind the Parenting book. Love it? Well, I don't. There was one wall painted in the room BB and I claimed as our own in this house, and that was the color of it. Nightmarish Pepto-Bismol. I couldn't sleep for the glow.

Then, my hero rescued me. BB zipped over to Home Depot and returned with a can of Sea Breeze Blue (or something like that), and very quickly snuffed out the horror of pink.

I love my guy. And I love how slapping blue on the one wall transformed the room from freakishly rosy to a haven for tired grown-ups!

Thank you, Lord, for kind husbands and cans of paint and soothing colors.

Here's the after:

And the before - observe the glow below...

Things to Smile About + Great Article

Light. Always light...

 Light while jogging this morning.

The sunrise and the church steeple and the smell of wood from a tree just cut down - pleasures on the run (things that kind of help downplay presence of the mega-traffic that's part of everyday life now). 

 H visiting daddy on a work-from-home day

 EG having quality time with Baby brother

 Ditto MK

 Our rosebushes have not been well-cared-for, but they're still present and producing. Loved happening upon this beauty at our mailbox this morning.

 Ever so ladylike, with the legs all crossed, CA recently oversaw big sister LC as she made yellow jello for their science lesson...

They both learned about cells and cell structure and built their own "cell" with the yellow jello and candies to represent the different cell organelles and such. I learned a lot teaching it to CA and the two of them had fun constructing the cell. They were not so wowed by the taste of their finished product. Too bad.

My mind and heart are full, usually in a scrambly kind of way, trying to focus on too many things.

I'm thinking about what it means to really love my neighbors, with Jesus-love - my literal neighbors on this new street of ours. Then my brain turns to wondering if I'm loving those in these four walls as I ought. It's actually relatively easy to do my work around here: the cleaning and ferrying and organizing and cooking and giving-of-marching-orders and all that. Those are things I can check off, you know? The harder thing is the relating, loving, serving, humbling myself, working to learn to think of others first (as opposed to thinking of me first, of course, or of those things on my to-do list).

There's honoring others above myself; showing respect to all the ages and developmental levels in this house, as well as that fabulous man I married. There's the switching gears element that's a challenge - ages 2, 4, 7, 10, 12, 13, 14. That's not as hard as it used to be, but it'll keep one's brain awhirl on some days, trying not to relate to 10 year old like she's 2 or the 2 year old like he's 12.

And what about being careful to just know people? To know my kids as people, working to listen to their words and their hearts, not to mention the intentional and subconscious life-observing that mamas are always doing...you know, "hmm, I see that so-and-so did those morning responsibilities quickly and quietly and without complaint....I need to call that out and encourage that kid!" And then following through and doing just that! Kinda important, right?

One day at a time. One responsibility and situation at a time....there is time for what God has in mind for each day. And there's this, which encouraged me early today (and all day, of course, if I return to it...):

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man (or woman!) is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

And, for an interesting balance to all that talk of relating and connecting, here's an excellent article I found on introversion. It's always helpful to understand oneself better, and I know I'm a solid introvert. Gerth articulates some of the finer points of introversion clearly in ways I found helpful.

Have a great day, friends!

I Crafted Again, and, A Quote

Hey, look! I crafted! That's TWICE this year!

My cousin Mary had old bottles like these hung up with copper wire in her kitchen, complete with little plants cascading out of them. I liked it enough to craft and have my own. She gave me the wire and the plant cuttings, and I already had the bottles. It's a cheerful, fun addition to my dish-washing location!

And, I found the source of my sacrifice your feelings on the altar image, that I mentioned in the last post. Here's the direct quote, from John White's (excellent) book, The Fight:

It [letting go of resentment] becomes easier when you recognize that Joe and Mary have their own hang-ups and insecurities that call for compassion rather than resentment. It also helps to realize that God cares tenderly for Joe and Mary in spite of what you see as their undesirable qualities.

Therefore, lay your resentful feelings on the altar and offer them up in praise to God. Whenever you catch yourself indulging in fantasies of triumphing over Mary or putting Joe in his place, bind your fantasies to the same altar and give them the same treatment. Ruthlessly. Promptly. Always. 
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Well said, Mr. White.

Have a happy weekend, friends!

I'm Just Sayin'

Well, I'm not sayin' (someone else did), but I'm agreein'! BB came across this profound quote recently:
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There is a fundamental error common to nearly all books (secular and Christian) on child-rearing. To my knowledge, no one has ever pointed it out. It matters little whether the theoretical viewpoint of the writer is that of a learning theorist (model, conditioning, and so forth), a Gestalt theorist, an analyst, or a scriptural theologian. All seem to fall into the same trap when it comes to child-rearing. They assume there is an absolute correlation between what the parent does (prays, sets limits, understands) and how the child turns out. 

Strange that this absurdly nonsensical idea should persist in the face of all the evidence against it. We are determinists. We have been brainwashed into believing that causes, some causes, somewhere, somehow must produce all the "effects." ...It reduces the universe to that which my puny brain can master, and I grow big with confidence. I can explain it all, even the kid who goes wrong. 

There are causes. There are effects. But there is a ghost...in the machine. A child is not a programmable computer. 

...The race is not to the parentally swift nor the battle to the child-rearing strong. The child chooses. He cooperates with the process or he sabotages it. The best parents in the world sometimes produce monsters, while the breakers of every child-rearing rule may produce a family of responsible, adjusted little angels. It happens all the time. 

-John White
The Fight: A Practical Handbook for Christian Living
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I'm not sure I should add to that. I will say that I find it truthful and relieving and articulate.

Images from Our Days

The Giveaway: I will draw a name in the morning to choose a winner for the CD!

I hope to post thoughtfully soon...

Until then, photos from life as we know it.

A Field Trip and a Giveaway

Feeling like this today?

Even if you aren't, I know you will be very blessed and refreshed by Scripture Lullabies. Don't let the name fool you. Sure, the songs are soothing enough to lull your babies to sleep, but oh, the Truth preached gently in each song will refresh and renew Mama's heart (family's hearts!) too. Talk about easing some of the witching hour tension in the evenings, when all are hungry, tired, needy, and loud! And even if you don't have littles all around your legs, this is still just such a calming, powerful CD.

We just got Volume II of Scripture Lullabies. I can unreservedly recommend both volumes!

And just for fun and for the goodness of using God's Word to lift our hearts, I thought I'd give away a copy of Scripture Lullabies, Volume II. Just leave me a comment or email me at my blog email address, and I'll put your name in the hat (if for some reason you don't want your name in the hat just tell me).

Secondly, we recently stumbled upon an artist and CD we'd never heard. Jadon Lavik has done a masterful job with some of the deepest, most beautiful hymns ever written on his Roots Run Deep album.

Maybe it's partly because of the chaotic, demanding season of life I'm living these days, but listening to Truth told so skillfully in song is balm to my heart and soul, a very real reminder of Jesus, Truth, Gospel, All That Really Matters.

And that concludes the Resources That I Love portion of this post....

We took a rather spontaneous trip to San Antonio to see the Alamo recently. It's a fun place to tour, and the kids just did a quick little jaunt through Texas history and the Mexican-American War. It was great real-life reinforcement of their history lessons. AH had never been to San Antone, so it was good to take her through the Alamo and further indoctrinate her with Texas history, legend, lore, and pride. Being non-natives, we still have a happy laugh over the independent bigness of Texas pride!

It was surprisingly hot (low 90's) and humid that day!

Check out the architectural details. A slow tour of the Alamo and its sister missions in San Antonio is a feast for the eyes architecturally, historically.

Everyone was delighted by the enormous koi in this little canal that runs through the grounds of the Alamo.

The Alamo sits hidden behind a stone wall right smack in the middle of downtown San Antonio. It's really neat to pass out of the city, as it were, and back in time. The contrast is heightened by the fact that the grounds are really like a small botanical gardens with countless flowering plants and bushes, as well as ancient oaks and other plant life.

I've no idea what this plant is called, but the bushes were enormous (11 feet perhaps?) and the flowers were each about 8 inches long, hanging like hundreds of bells off the branches.

A "canoe" of sorts. It called CJ's name, and everyone joined her. Oh, I forgot to mention that while CJ was hot and tired in the very top photo, she was also angry at me for telling her no when she went for someone else's water bottle. Sigh. Two-year-old rage. Yikes.

Once done with a brief-ish tour, everyone was hot, sweaty, tired, and hungry. Smart and quick-thinking daddy zipped us over to Jimmy John's. Their slogan claims that they are impossibly fast or something like that. No kidding. I was in and out in 5 to 7 minutes with a special carry out box in my arms, in which to tote all.that.food. to the already overflowing thing that is our Suburban (did I ever say here that we added a fourth row to it for the time being in order to accomodate 9 passengers?).

Look! The nice Jimmy John's guy even made special cup holders in my "lunch box!" Seriously, I thanked God for this little act of practicality and kindness.

So, I sat in the 2nd row next to Baby H with the lunch box on my lap. By the time I'd divvied up the food, and got to my own, the kids were mostly done with theirs. Ha!

Even CJ (ever the distracted eater) was quick eating and polished off all but a bite or two of her half-sandwich! Baby was a dream on our six-plus hour field trip. Literally slept all but about 20 minutes of the time away! Beyond easy. Another tender mercy - on the trip and in this life-as-I-know-it!

Full tummy + tired girls = car nap! 

One moment during Baby H's 20 minutes of awake time...

Thanks for visiting today's "family photo album" post! Remember to comment or email if you're interested in having a free copy of the Scripture Lullabies Volume II CD.

More Mercies Finally, a Quote, and a Ramble

1247 my first hot chocolate of the cooler season - alone in the car

1248 sweet sleeping baby fists

1249 iridescent genius spider web high in the oaks

1250 light - I just love light.

1251 impromptu lemonades and chicken nuggets - just me and The Seven

1252 the sound of crickets in the trees at night while I went for a little drive

1253 Baby H slept through two (almost 3) nights this week!!!!!

1254 my big 3 laughing happy in the car on the way home from a birthday party

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I've been wanting to add another portion from A Praying Life. This bit immediately follows the part I quoted in the last post:

In the gospel, Jesus took my sin, and I got His righteousness. That is how gospel stories work...Whenever you love, you reenact Jesus'death.

Consequently, gospel stories always have suffering in them. American Christianity has an allergic reaction to this part of the gospel. We'd love to hear about God's love for us, but suffering doesn't mesh with our right to "the pursuit of happiness." So we pray to escape a gospel story, when that is the best gift the Father can give us. When I was sitting on the plane thinking, Everything has gone wrong, that was the point when everything was going right. That's how love works.
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He goes on to say how our participation in God's stories, as he calls them, exposes the idols of our hearts. I just about fell down when he listed his own idols that were uncovered through the stressful situation with his autistic daughter Kim: the desire for people's approval, efficiency, and order.

Bingo. He nailed several of mine right there in one swoop.

And truly, the little storms God's allowing (giving? will I stand in faith that it is all a gift?) during my hours and days are uncovering those very idols and then some.

It's been a long time since I added to my Mercies list. Part of the reason has been that I have struggled with whether I am actually thankful or not, especially for the hard stuff. Well, I know I'm not always thankful...but I didn't want to go writing about thankfulness if it wasn't real.

Miller's perspective - just when I thought everything has gone wrong, that was the point when everything was going right - is really no different from the challenge to give thanks in all things. It's walking in a faith that believes God is good, wiser than I am, that He's loving and sovereign and that being happy and comfortable are not His vision for my life. Christ-likeness is His vision for me.

I'm rambling.

I'm learning.

This is the Gift

An excerpt from A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller, his observations after having taken his young adult daughter, Kim, who is autistic, with him on a speaking engagement trip:

As I sat there on the plane, frazzled, with Kim melting down next to me, I thought, This was a mistake. I will never do this again. What I didn't realize was that the kingdom had come. It is always that way with the kingdom. It is so strange, so low; it is seldom recognized. It looks like a mistake.

Later, as I reflected on the weekend and on the ways of God, I realized that I was in the middle of one of God's stories...

The Father was taking me on the same downward journey He took His Son. Paul invited the Philippian church to join Jesus, "who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men" (Philippians 2:6-7). The downward journey is a gospel story.

All I can say is amen and amen. I can't even explain to you why this little passage rings so loud and true to me, especially of late. Maybe someday I'll be able to, but right now I'm so in the middle of learning the lesson of which he speaks, that I don't think I have the wisdom yet to hash it out here.

But how many times do I find myself in the midst of something hard, complicated, confusing, painful, or inconvenient and I say this to myself (or at the very least feel it, and allow my moods and outlook to follow suit), This was a mistake!

I am ever, always, being taught and retaught this lesson by Christ:

This is NOT a mistake.

This can be anything. Fill in the blank there.

Earlier in the week our family took a look at the passage in which Jesus was sleeping through a scary storm in a boat. You know the one. The disciples come frantically to Christ and shake Him awake, asking if He even cares that they are going to drown?! Mark 4:35-41

Thinking over that event got me thinking about the little storms I face hour by hour and day by day. The disciples did not believe that Jesus was aware of their crisis, nor that He was in control of it. They were sure, as I too often am, that their problem was a mistake.

Am I really going to walk in that lie? That Jesus is not aware of my issues? That He's not in control? And worst of all, that He doesn't care?!

He is aware.

He's in control.

He does care. Jesus loves me.

This is not a mistake. This, whatever it is, is a gift from a good, sovereign, loving King-God. Will I ever really learn it, deep in me: This is for His glory. It's to make me more like Christ. That which I called a mistake because of its unpleasantness is The Gift.

I've probably already said too much. It's an Upside Down Kingdom indeed, as I've heard Ann Voskamp say.
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Photo theme today - Holding Baby H. I do hold him myself occasionally. Ha. I hold him as much as I can! It wasn't a banner day for awesome photography, but I think my girls look lovely, and isn't it good to see a dad doing guy-things with his little son?!

And for the record: H slept through one night this week. Hip, hip, hooray! And, as I barely-sort-of get my wits about me I'm seeing that he really is an easy baby, laid back, likes to sleep. Hooray, again! And he's just so dang cute that I guess we'd eat him and his dimples up anyway, even if he was high-maintenance. Wink.

Also, I've never had a child who stretches and arches like Baby H. He throws his almost-chubby fists in the air and grunts like a big boy, always stretching. He works hard at it. So funny.

He's taking about 3 ounces at each feeding and is smiling, smiling. We get lots of happy faces from him now, as he's become quite responsive. We all love this.

Y'all have a great weekend!