Celebrating

Twelve

Years ago this Friday, EG was born at almost midnight, surprising us all by weighing in at just over 9 pounds. She came into the world quite calm and settled. And while she is a most energetic kid these days, there is definitely a calm groundedness about her. She's insatiably curious. My prayer for her in her next year is that she experience the grace of Jesus in big ways.

Last night, we got to take her on a special birthday date....
(pardon the dark, grainy phone photos - forgot my camera!)

The candle was our waiter's idea, a sweet and fun surprise...

I mean, that photo above just about makes me cry...

H is ever the champ, rolling right along with wherever our family heads. By this point in the night, though, he was done, obviously.

He played and looked about quite happily for most of the evening. We had a fun time with EG. Thanking God for her and for the special memory we made!

Everyday stuff: this is Baby H riding big boy style for the first time in a shopping cart. He was all round-eyed curiosity!

Life as a precocious-two-year-old is exhausting, yes? She fell asleep sitting up in her chair after finishing her supper. Hilarious, her head bobbing around like it was.

Baby H still has two pesky little white patches in his lower gum that will show themselves to be his first teeth any day now. In the meantime, he's not napping well, cannot fall asleep on his own, and is happy only with or near me. So, things are a bit backed up around here...

Except for when this strategy works! I got some of the big dishes washed. Thanks, MK, for taking the photo!

Few words these days. Few organized thoughts.

During this Lent season, I'm just praying Jesus will help me love Him more, and that I'll receive, enjoy, and give His love in increasing measure.

GraceLaced Mondays: PRAY, and Be Real When You Do It

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. 

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (The Message)

I am reading through Isaiah these days, mostly in the wee hours of the night while up with young Master H. I'm also slowly digesting the encouraging content of A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller.

God accomplished much in our hearts during our pre-PROM experience and long hospital stay with Baby H's pregnancy. One area that always needs work in my life is prayer. All that time and mental "free space" whilst hospitalized was a great opportunity to practice the discipline of talking to the Lord.

I love, love, love this simple quote from Praying Life:

Sometimes we try so hard to be good that we aren't real.

You think so? I know this perfectionist is 100% guilty of the above reality! What a relief, of late, to begin talking to God more from my heart. Unbelievable relief.

This is grace: the privilege of prayer, granted us by Jesus through His victory on the cross and the tearing of that veil, and the okayness of being real with the Father who made us and knows it all anyway.

Pour out your hearts to Him. Be real. He's listening!

Saturday

I am happy to say that no news is good news as I sit camped out in my new home...

We are watchful and prayerful, of course.

Thank you for your kind comments and prayers and concern. Do continue to pray. Our hope is that Baby can just keep on growing safely and quietly inside me for as many days or weeks as possible. I'll be 31 weeks on Monday.

The bleeding-and-labor scare the other day - wow. I still haven't quite processed all that yet. Scary and surreal. One thing I know is that the Lord stopped my labor that night and we praise Him for being our listening and powerful God.

A few no-drama days in a row here have provided just enough time for this new reality to settle over us: life with me in the hospital - how does this work?

Mom and dad traveled our way from Back Home and are holding down the fort, loving on the girls. BB is back and forth to the hospital. Our precious church family and friends are pulling together meals and groceries and such. Thanks be to God for loving us and caring for our needs so completely.

More when I can - and when my head clears a bit more...

Ferns and a Harrowing Time

Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things. 

Ecclesiastes 11:5, NLT

If I was in a more playful mood, I'd have y'all do a guessing game about what's in the above photo....

But I'm not feeling jovial, so I'll just tell you: that is a photograph of a microscope slide. On the slide is a drop of amniotic fluid. My amniotic fluid, to be exact. Be prepared, this may be a Too Much Information post for some people...

Thirteen days ago, on June 2,  my water broke when I was at 28.5 weeks (actually, the day after I posted on our family trip to the park)

We have been using a free-standing birthing center for care this pregnancy and last. I called the midwife that morning to report my water having broken, and she urged me to head downtown to the hospital with the best Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, just in case. And so we did.

After observation and a few hours of contractions, which then settled away, we were sent home, primarily because they were unable to document the amniotic fluid loss. One way they do this is by swabbing a slide with the fluid, letting it dry, then viewing it under a microscope. If leafy, fernlike patterns appear, that indicates amniotic fluid. Though they tried four times, no one could spy ferns on the slides containing my fluid.

Home we went, to wait and see, and to be open to other possible reasons for fluid leaks - bladder issues, infection, and who knows what. We decided that bedrest was wisest, so I began camping out on the couch, with the idea being to reduce the amount of loss of fluid.

Visited the midwives at the birthing center the following Monday after Saturday's (inconclusive) hospital visit. At the Center, they looked for all the same things and came out with essentially the same non-conclusive answers - nothing proving loss of amniotic fluid. They also performed an ultrasound to check levels visually and all looked well. So we went home from there awaiting lab result to rule out bacterial infection as a cause of the fluid problems.

And meanwhile, I leaked still.

So BB, thinking out loud says, ˆWonder if we could catch some of the fluid and test it under the kids' microscope, see if we get the 'ferning' unique to amniotic fluid?" I was skeptical, a bit embarrassed, to be honest, but ah, that curious husband. Gotta love him!

I gave him his sample in a Dixie cup. He swabbed the slide. We waited, we looked, And wonder of wonders:

Ferns. Beautiful, delicate, snowflake-like ferns!

After another late evening issue with fluid rushes, we were back in the hospital in the wee hours of this past Friday morning. Once again, I produced nothing they could test.

BB showed them his ferning picture - taken with his iPhone over the lens of AH's microscope - and the nurse agreed it was amniotic fluid. But....home we went again. Fluid levels looked good on ultrasound, so that was a happy, though ironic plus.

Cried my eyes out once in our car in the parking deck. Concerned for the baby, not entirely sure how to live life with broken water...my heart really hurt over all the inconclusiveness. As we walked to the car silent, hand in hand, prayers began to rise from my overwhelmed heart - God, help me trust that this mystery, these elusive results are gifts from Your hands. This hurts my heart, God. I want to turn to blame or to raw raging emotion or to food, but there is really Only You. And that is how it should be. Oh, help!


After the long cry, we returned home at 330am to Mrs. M, who came to be with the kids while we were at the hospital. Then, off to bed for 4 hours of sleep.

Providentially, a friend had already offered to take the big four away for an afternoon of fun with her children, so they were off by midmorning, leaving us with the two little ones. We used the time to grab much needed groceries and a good nap afterwards for all of us.

That weekend was ALL REST. And continued leaking. Midwives said come in this week and let's check fluid levels by ultrasound again. Took a fluid sample with us for the birthing center to test.

Aha! Ferns! And aha! Reduced fluid levels compared to the week before. Not good signs, of course, but conclusive ones. So then it was lots of calls from the midwives to the hospital doctors, during which it was decided we'd go back there and be evaluated again.

Upon arrival, we were glad to have the doctor himself with us calling the shots and making the evaluations. Some of those, ahem, evaluations were awfully uncomfortable, and in the end appeared to be heading toward the inconclusive result we've seen more often than not. No positive ferning test. But the next thing to do is check fluid levels by ultrasound again, though it had been done hours earlier at the birthing center (I'd also had loss between the Center and arriving at the hospital, which is a solid half hour drive from our home without traffic).

Doc looks and looks inside my womb and declares: There are no measurable fluid pockets in your uterus, Mrs. B. Aha. Wow.

Needless to say, this got the ball rolling for me to be admitted here. The plan was to administer 2 steroid shots over 2 days' time to help the baby's lungs mature. I am 30.5 weeks - which is a wonderful milestone for viability, but not for strong, independent lungs. I'm on lots of preventative antibiotics to protect baby and me from infections since his perfect little water balloon world is no longer in tact.

So our thinking at that point yesterday was to settle in here and wait for delivery, hoping to make it at least until 34 weeks...hopefully to or past 36, even. BB and I were scurrying to work out the logistics of the kids and everything that needed to be planned, cancelled, re-worked, etc etc....

Then I began to have bleeding. Ugh.

This led the doctor to be concerned over possible placental abruption, so he moved me back to Labor and Delivery, just so they could monitor me more closely.

Then I started contracting. Went on to have 6-7 hours of steady contractions. Everyone was preparing for the possibility of delivering a 3 pound range baby last night whether naturally or by c-section. That would all depend on whether labor progressed minus baby distress or not. Non-progression combined with baby distress  = c-section.

So many prayers - ours and countless others: God! For wisdom, help, protection, peace! Tears, hot tears, heart racing, so unsure of things....will baby keep thriving, labor keep advancing, and we welcome our tiny premature (unnamed!) son this way? Will it get risky, distressy, will we need to opt for c-section? Don't know, don't know...

Was quite a harrowing evening. Doctor was very attentive, very calm, honest.

Hours pass - me a ball of nerves, to say the least, crying out the the Lord: Oh, for the grace to rest in You and in this plan! Help me glorify you by trusting You and not being afraid. You are good and Your wisdom is above mine.

But don't think I was calm and cool. My heart rate was up, my cheeks were red. It was a battle.

And then.

The contractions slowed. The bleeding eased. Baby stayed stable through it all. We've come up with silly names for our boy: Captain Oblivious would be one. He seems content to live in a too-low fluid level environment, even during the stress of contractions. He is unfazed by the reality of the scary bleeding and potential placenta problem. We have also thought we could call him TROUBLE or Stinker.

I've never had any complications in pregnancy. This is quite a whole new world to us.

We are praising God for all of it. Not saying that we enjoy it all or wish it to be so, but He is sovereign and wise and so loving. It's amazing that for now the big labor and delivery scare went away. That's a huge, tender mercy.

Things can turn on a dime, though. So fast.

Our prayers are these:

-we want God to have His glory in it all...that we'd have hearts that want His will over our own happiness and comfort, so that Jesus is lifted up and He calls people to Himself through all this upsetting stuff...

-we obviously, desperately want a healthy, thriving son out of all this, too! Pray his little lungs mature quickly and well, that his weight bulks up, that he endures in utero stresses with strength. My evaluation of his general personality during this pregnancy has been feisty. He needs that now, yes?

-pray this apparent abruption doesn't worsen. If it does not, it appears that we could let Baby stay inside longer...we (the drs and nurses) need such sensitive wisdom and knowledge to discern if the placental issue is changing or not and what to do if so...

-peace, trust, rest in Christ...it helps me to remember the suffering Jesus endured so I could have peace with God...the death He took for me, in obedience to the Father's perfect plan. May I be like Jesus. Oh for grace, more grace!

And so many thanks to Him now, for all the tender mercies rained down...

(including the prayers of countless people - thank you! and for those so sweetly helping with our kids and home and all those logistics...it's been an unpredictable, whirlwind experience so far...)

Always Needing More Grace

...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Well, I have a little chunk of time in which to write tonight, but I'm not finding much brain-power at my disposal. It's the end of a long, good, hard, happy day - and the little-bitty-baby inside of me, well, he/she manages to lay claim to most of my end-of-day energy of late...

As I put supper together tonight, I started praying about some things that were on my mind. I could see in myself that while I wanted to be freely saying to the Lord "Your will be done in this," the truth is I was struggling. In that particular moment of prayer I could tell my heart wasn't in the right place: truly desiring His will over my own in our waiting time. And then I felt myself trying very hard to get in that right place. Trying very hard, eh?

This is when the Spirit gave me a little flood of Truth-relief: admit you can't do it, that you're not doing well at it, ask Him for help, for heavy grace so that you can please Him in the waiting, in the wondering, in the unknown. In the end, He reminds me in the harder moments, this is about His glory, our sanctification, and the drawing of souls to Himself for salvation - all things should really be about these core goals, anyway.

So, I started over in my talking to God, relieved to admit that my efforts weren't enough - that I want to please Him terribly and that He must carry on to completion the good work He began in me when He saved me. 

Lord, give me grace to please you in the waiting...

*
Many Mercies:

210 LC at lunch today: "Holy Mack-a-walls!" (Holy Mackerel!) I think she got this from Veggie Tales. It cracked me up, though, to hear her say it.

211 swim lessons that went on today in spite of the rain - good for the girls, who badly need all the practice they can get in the water

212 rainy swim lessons = a break from the heat, halleluia (CA and I sit out in folding chairs in the shade, normally, but it is still quite hot)

213 a good parking space at lessons today

214 that I had an umbrella in the car

215 CA's non-stop chatter in the truck today while we waited on the big girls' lessons to finish

216 getting to take MK out for some mother/daughter time - a rare one on one evening for us: a treat, lookng at swingy skirts at Old Navy, browsing books together, her choosing a few to buy with her own money for her sisters

217 MK: "When I swallow it, it goes bzzzzzz in my throat" (she had a fizzy juice drink on our date)

*
Photos: pegs from two different very old Discovery Learning Toys we were given as hand-me-downs years ago...the girls are always putting the two sets together in colorful combinations...asked me over and over take a picture of this arrangement they'd made

Mom

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:27-29

Here is a list of mercies God sent by mom's hands and heart during her visit (and by dad's, who shared her with us), and also photos from one of our park days while mom and MB were here:

Things my mom did with us/for to bless us while she was here -

-bought supplies, then planted countless little seeds in tiny pots with the girls
-took them each on a date, just her and one girl
-got them bubbles, then created a way to make sure the bubbles didn't spill (again)
-watched food documentaries with us (yes, we've been watching food movies :-)
-kept the laundry caught up (it IS possible?!?)
-kept the dishes caught up (yep, that, too)
-listened...she listens so much
-went to a prenatal appointment with me
-sat in on an ultrasound with us
-brought Anne of Green Gables with her...when you have 4 daughters, it's just extra sweet and fun to watch Anne!
-read, read, read...she read ever so many books and stories to the children
-babysat TWICE so we could go out on a date!
-dejunked my Suburban...oh it becomes such a catchall dump so quickly!
-replentished our pencil and dry erase marker supply, tidied my school desk space (won't go into our friendly disagreement over which pencils are toss-worthy and which aren't....)

the crinkled nose was too cute not to post

Trying to get a decent photo of all 5 girls...a little series to make you smile...made me laugh. I think it's a mathematical impossibility to get multiple small people all looking the same direction, eyes open, pleasant expressions on faces...

sideways glancing, chewin' peanuts...

FOUR sets of closed/lowered eyes, one set focused on a dog nearby...

just funny!

uh oh, I'm losing one...going, going...

And, she's gone! EG tried to hang on all the way through, and LC has lunged for a snack

*
This morning, God led me to Jeremiah 29:13-14 - You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD. I don't have much to say about it, other than it's always been full of a maddening challenge (seeking a God who cannot be seen or touched) and a glorious promise (I will be found by you!). Oh, let us seek Him wholeheartedly ever and always. How I need your grace in this, Lord. Help me to persevere! I praise You for Your promise and challenge!
*

Even more mercies:

109 the switch and sway of shiny green tree leaves whipping in the spring wind...

110 the at least 5 different colors of wildflowers blooming now...takes my breath away...feast for the eyes, delivered by the Father daily right now!

111 the clickety clack and excited voices that go with Lego play (they've been pulled out after a 2 month sabbatical)

112 a difficult and draining disciplinary situation this morning with one of the girls...necessary, part of the Process for both of us

113 a child who said to me this morning, "What can I do to help with breakfast?" (I so don't have the servant spirit I already see in her. God be praised for His work in little ones)

114 popping in a children's worship CD we'd never listened to before and finding it such a sweet and simple lift this morning

A Prayer and The View From My Schooldesk

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:7-8

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:26

*This is a part of a prayer from my time with the Lord the other day. I'm including it here for two reasons. The first reason is that I wonder if it might encourage someone else who finds themselves a bit stuck when trying to talk with Jesus. For me, lately, I have had a terrible time focusing and not becoming distracted, hence the written prayer on this particular day. The second reason is to show the kindness, patience, and grace of my God to His children when they call out to Him in prayer...
*

Dear Lord,

Today I come to You by paper. My thoughts are so scattered that it seemed time to put them on paper - which seems like such a slow way to talk to You, but then again, that's probably what I need is to slow down and be deliberate in my words. And also, I keep thinking about Your words in Matthew, that it doesn't take "many words" to communicate with You, for You already know my needs before I ask You.

Many times now, when I come to talk with You, I cannot think of what to say - but, then, isn't there a promise about that, too? Am I not told that when I don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit speaks to You with groans - for me?

Why such a wonderful gift [the groanings of the Spirit], I do not know, but what a happy realization from You at this very moment!

This is enough to camp on right now, Lord - these two truths - few words, no words.....
*

And here is the view from my schooldesk on Friday:

 

EG is a hard worker and gets much done without supervision (and with supervision!).

 

MK brought us a big surprise early during our schoolday Friday (see Mercies below)

LC appears to be studying very hard here. We are using this little book to help her learn/memorize the beatitudes (by product: mommy learns them, too)

CA has only in recent months begun to enjoy sitting down to look at a book on her own. It is so fun to see her do it! She loves Nurse Nancy and Doctor Dan.

 

She also has started enjoying blocks and puzzles a whole lot. We've always said she has crazy good balance/agility, and it seems to come out in the buildings she makes...should this structure be standing?

 

Guess not. Isn't this the most priceless face? One of her big sisters rushed to her aid after her tower toppled.

Mercy, mercy, mercy....

53 comin' home time for daddy!

54 having the girls here all day

55 the extra sunlight we get in the upstairs rooms of our house

56 when I sort dirty laundry, there is a whole, large-ish load of just pink/red clothing

57 armoniche rigatoni, just for fun!

58 parenting along with my parents...a unique, surprising, beautiful and painful experience for us all...something I'm sure none of us expected to have in common at our respective stages of life...them as (former) empty nesters and us in the thick of it with 4 kids in our 30's

59 "conference call" the other morning with mom and dad regarding....parenting! love you guys!

60 drippy good fresh pears for a snack

61 drippy wet faces and hands during the pear snack (+ hurry go clean yourself up :-)

62 "Ine a big girl" (quoting CA)

63 EG passing her 8's multiplication test, after some struggle, practice, and prayer

64 MK's thinking: went downstairs today during schooling, came back with bowls of ice cream for all of us (this was not long after breakfast). She wanted to do something special for us, kept it a secret, writing herself a reminder of what she wanted to do, just in case she forgot (since I made her do her morning chores before her secret act of kindness). Also, recently, she rearranged our seating situation at the dinner table, something I never do. She thinks outside the box.

Pray for Haiti

Do pray for Haiti. I know you probably already are. The devastation there is unfathomable, and worsened yesterday by a huge aftershock...

Oh, Jehovah Shalom, come and reign in peace in Haiti. Raise up Your people around the world...to pray, to give...and for Your people there, Oh God, give them supernatural strength to serve in Your Name.

Spirit, open the mouths of Your children to speak the gospel of Jesus Christ to these desperate people, and bring true belief, true repentance to needy hearts....

Give a spirit of unity to all those working in and for Haiti - may they have hearts are driven to relieve suffering, and help them to be efficient and safe. Lord, please clear the roads by Your power and help the workers do it with unnatural speed, so help can get through.

As the enemy plans to wreak further havoc and despair in Haiti, God, breathe hope into these people's hearts - the hope of Jesus, and the soothing of their physical and emotional sufferings. Take all that our enemy intends for evil, and turn it for the good of the Haitians and for Your glory. Amen.

She Spilled the Beans

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:7-8

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:28-29

I took eddabody (the way most of our kids have pronounced "everybody" as toddlers) for a big grocery run the other day. Lately, I've taken to going on weekends so that BB can watch a few (or all) during shopping runs. We were WAY out of food, after our Christmas trip east, and even though it was one of the coldest days we've had, it was obviously necessary to venture out. Oh, I AM a cold-weather weenie!


The girls did well, and it was a long endeavor at our gi-normous "super" grocery store. Near the end, I was losing it though, energy wise....pushing that heavy cart pretty slowly and praying silently for some extra strength and endurance. The combination of early pregnancy and lunchtime nearing made for weak and tired me!


As we grabbed one of the last few items on our list, it happened. MK had been tossing a bag of dry black beans up in the air and catching it (I just wasn't paying attention - trying to find some Cetaphil!). And, predictably, at some point she failed to catch it and it split open on the floor there in the health and beauty aids section. Inside, I was grrrrr, about to say, "See, you ought not be tossing a bag of beans because this is what will happen!" But, the Holy Spirit made me bite my tongue, thankfully. I rather ignored the accident, except to carefully slide the beans aside so no one would trip on them.

Getting a new bag of beans meant slogging (that's how it felt at this point) to the other side of our it-must-be-10-acres-big store. We needed the beans, though, so off we went.


Beans acquired, the five of us head toward checkouts. This meant passing what I'll call the "gourmet chef sampling station." For real - a chef cooks up amazing 3 course "meals" and hands out small portions of each on little plates. Do you see where I'm heading here? During my time with the Lord the next day, He made me see: the spilled beans were an answer to prayer, a sovereign act of my God, which resulted in giving me the energy I needed to finish the shopping. The chef gave us plates with crazy good marinated chicken, beef and noodle soup, and green beans. What the kids didn't like/want, I ate. And it really was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. Perked the little ones up, too. (I can only imagine how I looked, standing there near the cheese department, scarfing down several tiny servings of food....)

This little situation taught me a lot. Mostly, I think it encouraged me yet again, that if God is sovereignly in control of something like a broken bag of black beans, I can rest easy knowing that the bigger difficulties are also part of His plan and His desire to conform me to the likeness of His Son.

May it be so, Lord, may it be so!

*

Photos - taken December 17. We do not have a typical fall here. There's rarely any fall color to be had...rather, we just kind of drift from hot-as-blazes summer into cool, monochromatic winter. Anyway, a few times these trees behind our house have been pretty as winter came on, but this year, they glowed - and right before Christmas, too! By Christmas day, the trees were completely stripped. Those radiant trees were a blessing to us all in our rather colorless fall/winter. Thank you, Lord.

Big Joy

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. Proverbs 14:10

You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. Psalm 4:7

I (we!) love these kids of mine. Moments like this bring me such joy. What a privilege it is to have them, to know them. Thank You, Jesus, for their little lives. I cannot thank You enough. Grant me grace to love them, train them worthy of Christ.

Lazy About Prayer

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-17

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

I will honestly confess: I am a lazy pray-er. God forgive! And, God change me! Oh, this has been on my mind, heart, and in my prayers for months...prayer...that God would make me, make our family, a praying family...that His Spirit would do a mighty work of transformation in us so that we become people of prayer, willing to sacrifice our time and thoughts to this precious, powerful privilege Christ won for us when He died and that veil was torn!


Last week, at God's direction, I decided to pray more earnestly and diligently each of those days for some specific concerns and requests. Among those concerns: five individuals who need Christ. I realized I was assuming these precious people would turn to Christ soon, given the fact that each of them is exposed to good Biblical teaching, but oh, my...God reminded me I need to be calling on His Name on behalf of each of these! The enemy wants me to be lazy, wants me to make assumptions, does not want me to utilize the gift and responsibility of prayer!!

So last week I prayed, focusing extra time and thought on asking Christ to be at work in their hearts, that the Holy Spirit would turn their hearts toward Himself. I asked for true belief and true repentance, every grace that brings [them] nigh (from Come Ye Sinners, hymn by Joseph Hart, 1759), prayed He'd help them understand salvation for themselves - not just as information, but as the need of their own hearts.

Sometimes when I spend more focused time in prayer like that, I must simply trust God heard and will act according to His will, and then other times He lets me see Himself at work! At the end of that week, three of the five people had approached a believer, asking specific, pointed questions about the gospel and salvation through faith in Christ!! And in each case, the listener was able to clarify different points of the gospel and ask pointed questions in return. Praise God!!

Oh, let me pray on! God, help my weakness,  forgive my laziness, and defend me from that enemy who comes against me, deceiving and discouraging me away from precious prayer, from powerful talking time with the Savior, who listens and acts.

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Acts 2:42

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Photos - my only fall/Thanksgiving decorations: two gorgeous pumpkins from the grocery store...isn't that cream color dreamy? Last photo: MK, peeking over the creamy pumpkin, which, by the way, we chose partly because of the delicious curly vine tendril on top.

Doing What He Wants Me To

After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.' Acts 13:22


My good friend and I are doing a Bible study by Elizabeth George called Quiet Confidence for a Woman's Heart. It is based on the twenty-third Psalm. Mrs. George pointed us to the above scripture, then asked the question, "What do you think it means to be a 'woman after God's own heart'? Write it down and make this a matter of prayer."

Now, we have all heard David called "a man after God's own heart," but I don't think I've ever noticed that qualifying phrase in Acts: ...he will do everything I want him to do.

So, am I a person who does everything God wants me to? This is indeed a matter of prayer.

Let us each prayerfully ponder this simple and profound question!

*
Photo - Tiny mountain mushrooms, smaller around than dimes

Am I Talking to God or Not?

"How do I know if I am really talking to God or not?"

EG asked me this today, after we finished her devotional time together. Funny, God woke me up to the answer to this very question in my own life over the past few years. At some point I thought, Am I just talking to myself here, or to God?

I don't remember the exact process of how He changed my thinking but I do know where I am now, and this is what shared with my eldest. God urged me to share it here, too.

First, I encouraged her to ask God to give her the faith to believe He is there and that He is listening to her. Psalm 62:8 says, Pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. In Daniel 10, you can (and should!) read about how Daniel pleaded with God for knowledge and the Lord sent an angel to answer his prayer and his question. Acts 12:5-17 is the story of how Peter was imprisoned and then miraculously set free, in response to the prayers of his believing friends. Oh, EG, God is listening! These are only a few examples from scripture, not to mention countless times in my own life when He has responded to my cries.

I wrote down some verses for EG to look up that remind us that we are commanded to pray. I Thessalonians 5:17 puts it quite succinctly: Pray continually. In Matthew 6:6, Jesus Himself promises to reward us as we pray privately to our Unseen Father.


Secondly, I reminded EG about the thrilling promise in Hebrews 4:16 that tells us we should approach the throne of grace with confidence, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. I have found that as I remember and imagine God seated on His throne, I am more able to focus on Him, and make sure that my words are to Him, and not merely aimless talking. I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. (Isaiah 6:1) This is another image I love to keep in mind as I pray.

Mary...sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what He said. (Luke 10:39) Since Jesus promised that He is with me always (Matthew 28:20), then I can also have the attitude of Mary, remembering that Jesus is right here with me, and think of myself as sitting at His dear feet. There I can pour out my heart and also listen to Him, as she did.

Lastly, I gave her Romans 8:26, in which Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

I pray this all helps EG in her growth in Christ, and that maybe it will be an encouragement and help to you, too. I will confess that I shared this a bit timidly, because it's a window into my own heart and thinking, and there was this little niggling fear (never from God, right?) that someone might find all this imagining about God and His throne and the feet of Jesus to be...not quite right. He urged me to step out past the fear of being real.

I Belong to Him

You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. I Corinthians 6:19-20

We make it our goal to please Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9

Today, I strained to hear God's voice. Sometimes it does not feel as near as I'd like. Little things were crowding into my brain and my feelings, resulting in splintered, fractured thoughts even as I sat down to spend special time with Jesus. Not good. I struggled to focus entirely on Him. But He gave grace, and do you know what I heard Him say quietly to my heart? You just keep your eyes on Me. It was (is) a simple instruction, given for my peace, given to let the unimportant melt away. Thank you, my God.

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Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Take My Life, by Frances Ridley Havergal 1874

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Photos:
Top two - LC and me on a date to Starbuck's
Bottom two - CA at the wildflower center; CA's little toes

Falling Down Prayer

Jesus,

I seem to have gotten myself kind of tangled up. I am here at your feet and I need you. I need your mercy, because I cannot do things right, because I am a little child needing help and truth and power and direction. Little things are creeping in - irritability, wrong priorities, weakness, and an enemy. I feel too easily overwhelmed by small things, to the point of paralysis and lack of action. You are my Answer and I call to you, knowing you will answer, knowing that all my life's happenings are in your hands and under your sovereign, wise, and good control, comforted that though I do not follow You perfectly, you are perfect and will accomplish your purposes in spite of me. Too often I pridefully and mistakenly believe that if I don't walk mistake-free then everything will fall apart and I will ruin Your plans. I praise you and humbly thank You that I can know you and be your servant. I stand amazed that you listen to me and answer me and even speak to me. You are too good. May this hour, this day be for your glory. Let me not waste a minute, Lord. Grant me grace upon grace to be alert this day and always (I Peter 1:13, 5:8) to your Spirit and to the schemes of the enemy, who wants only to destroy me and steal away your glory. May it never be! Hold and help me. I praise you that your grace is sufficient (2 Cor 12:19) and that when I am weak then I am strong, for your glory, for you are glorified when weak and tired humans walk in obedience to you and shine your light. Grace...more grace. I love you more and more.

In the name of Jesus,
Amen